Tuesday, October 16, 2007

FAQ How Do I get the Girl in My Social Circle!

This Question gets asked all the time.
It is hard to give a simple routine for it and really it is sensitive to the group and the style of the PUA.
But here is what one guys asked me and just the day before a guy on a Phone Consultation asked me about it too.

So here is his question, followed by my response...

El topo,
Basically I need advice on how to go from casual friends w/ a girl in my social circle to becoming sexual/dating her.
I've known her for a while, prior to when I got into this stuff. We party together/have phone conversations from time to time, I'd say I'm in a fair amount of comfort, but I want it to be framed as relationship comfort not like 'were just friends' comfort.
She has a boyfriend, although last time she was at my house we had a huge party she was holding my hand for a while. I assume that's just for attention but who knows. She also randomly mentions him in conversations like 'oh I'm at my bf's house'. So I can assume if she really wanted me she wouldn't mention him at all.
If I had to guess on what to do, I'd say I need to just have sexual conversations with her and frame it as like I'm actually into her, not just a buddy.
I would appreciate your input on the general model of how to turn this casual friend into sex .
I guess it would also be a bf destroyer too...
Thanks so much for your time!

My response...

Man that's a good question.

One thing about this to know is that she most likely has attraction for you.
Girls are like that. It doesn't mean she secretly desires to have you put the moves on you, but I am sure her mind has entertained it.
But mainly she feels comfortable with you as a friend.
Women like to have guys on the side to fulfill their bullshit entourage as well as speak in the language of Jealousy.
A lot of this is unintentional by her, but my main point in this is to show...


I have definitely done that a few times, and I have failed at it a few times.
I haven't met you so it is hard for me to say how you could pull it off with your personality.

This sort of thing goes back to framing. and BAITING her into attraction.
Now 'framing' is what defines the social interaction.
With a friend you have got to do it with a smooth transition.
Also I don't know how aggressive you are personality-wise.
If you are the best thing you could do is say this...

"You know X, this is gonna sound weird but I would be lying if I didn't say anything to you. But in the time I have known you and in getting to know you more I have become really attracted to you. And at the same time, I know you have a guy around and being friends is more important to me. But I just had to say something because it deserved to be out there."

She will react to this in confusion and instability.
Now in this she will immediately chose to distance herself from you.
So you have got to be the ALPHA and be the one to CONTROL her STATE (very important)
So as soon as she tries to say..
"Oh, I am sorry I am with Captain Zero"
You have to interrupt her and say,
"Hey, don't answer. Look I am your friend and don't need a reply. I just had to let you know, but this doesn't change anything, so stop freaking out... give me a hug."

So you see how that works?
Let me break it down...

-You go direct which has ultimate alpha-ness, but it puts you at a point of weakness
-But you also show willingness to walk away (an attraction switch) by not being needy. You're saying is boldly like a statement, that you like her, but you're not telling her to make her your girlfriend, you're telling her she needs to know because you think it. It is respect and if she has a problem with it, then she is not a friend.
-Then because you know if she jumps in your arms things will be cool, but I can bet that she will react in trying to push you away. She probably does feel these things towards you, but when a girl is in a bind or anyone really they react in immediate safety. And in this situation, you're the threat.
-So you then work some of my psychological magic (Invictus you should like this one), you do a take away.
She will react right away and then you tell her not to. You tell her not to answer and you say you're her friend and hug her.

This will so cultivate in her head major attraction.
You should not worry about calling her, because it will work itself in her head.
You will have done a major sneak attack in her brain.

Don't seek her out, and don't try and call her.
Let it come around to you. Every time you see her, act normal and be her friend, but her BF's friend. Be Alpha, by not reacting. Maintain the frame, and lead in every social interaction with her.

If you show weakness in this, you will creep her out, if you show confidence she will comply and maintain the frame for you.

Now let's say you don't have the balls for that...
But then you need to run jealousy threads and work your attraction game through the attraction switches.
Main ones...
-Protector of loved ones
-Pre-Selected by women
-Leader of men

Now how you do that is not by a routine here and there, it has to be instilled in you.

But here is some help with that.
Construct your DHV stories to have jealousy plot lines and sexually frame.

(with friends)
"Man the other night me and Becky (a real girl everyone knows) where hanging out and she got so fucking drunk.
So and so and I were at BAR Z and so was Becky, so we started doing shots and after a while she got really wasted, and so I knew I had to stop and look after her.
There were these frat guys there and they kept trying to talk to her, and you know it is no big deal... I know women like to get some just as much as guys, I judge NOT! But she's like one of my better looking friends and
I know Becky pretty well and I know she wouldn't want to have a bunch of meat heads all over her.
So I took her by the out to get some fresh air outside, and it was like one of those moments you know...
I mean i could see it in her eyes.
I knew it could be a trouble night for her.
So I called her friend Crystal and waited for her to pick her up.
It is like one of those things where you're drunk and lonely but it is always a weird thing waking up next to somebody in the morning that you don't really know.
Like who, hasn't done that???"

There will be a bullshit reply from friends, men and women...

"Ok you're all full of shit. It is totally cool, I mean I would like to say that this sort of thing has happened to me all the time, but one thing I will say is when it has, I actually really respect it. Nothing big, about it, I just realize sometimes you have got to live life and when weird things come up, it is better to make the best of them and see them as experiences rather than consequences."

Again I really don't know what you're all about. but take that information and come up with something that fit that general outline.



1 comment:

Kiko said...

Steve, I fucking love you. This is along the lines of what I have been doing, I pulled this girl who LJBF'ed me a while ago and who has a BF.

You just confirmed my thoughts, thanks.