Monday, June 2, 2008

Gaming Towards a Lifestyle

I am really excited to be headed back to Boston.
Every time I go there it is a fucking blast…
By this time you should know that I have made some pretty great friends there, in and out of the community.

I mention Doc all the time (mainly because he rivals me in his disturbing nature….and I think that’s a good thing).

But also Saffron is a demon as well. For someone who gets bathroom pulls and stripper pulls as much as he does…you would never know it by the looks of him. I remember the first time I met him, I was thinking who is this Asian guy??? Then I saw him in action, seriously one of the best guys out there and also has a multi cultural approach.

And Entropy I have been always know for my reviews, but so is he. There are very few guys in the community that are great at game, but also great teachers. Entropy is both. Also he gets the actual lifestyle part of things which even less people have a grasp on…and that is kind of the point of this post.
But these are guys I am really looking forward to see. In fact they are all gong to be helping out on our workshops up there.
Interested in signing up email me or click HERE

It will be badass tearing it up with those guys in Boston!

One of the things I wanted this post to be about is the beginnings of what being a PUA is all about. As I mentioned in the above, is that there are very few PUAs that teach that are actually good at both things…teaching and being a PUA. And there are even less that can actually have a manageable lifestyle. When I got into this I had goals that I wanted to accomplish in when I first found the community online.

I read the game (actually I never finished it, but read enough to know that I wanted to learn what those guys knew), I looked online and found as much info as I could.

At the time I actually had a pretty cool lifestyle, I just wanted to get better at getting the women I would want in my life.
I played music, had toured the USA...been in every state other than Alsaka (and one day I will go there). I have had and still have Art Pieces on exhibit in Museums all over.
Worked as a Photographer in all sorts of capacities, and I had pretty much always had a girlfriend, but I was always in a relationship and I never really got the women that I had around me. They always approached me. In fact I go tin the Game when I was 29 and from 19 to 29 I was pretty much always in a relationship (usually very dysfunctional) and I had only been with 8 women. 3 of them were from relationships that I had been in, in those 10 years.

I wanted Freedom! Just the freedom to know that I could be an attractive guy that had the women I wanted in my life. I wanted to be able to go out to a bar and see a girl I found attractive and be able to fuck her…fuck I wanted to be able to go talk to her and not worry about what she would think or what to say! I wanted to be able to play a show and when a girl approached me, I would know what to do. I wanted to have 3somes, I wanted to have multiple girlfriends, I wanted to have adventure in all ways of man!
Now maybe I didn’t want that all the time, but since I knew it was possible I wanted to get it.

And product after product lead to nothing. All the product actually said the right stuff, but I just wasn’t committed to it. I didn’t believe it was possible for ME! I believed that it worked but I didn’t believe that I could pull it off. And for game all you really need is Belief and Balls!
So I took a Boot Camp.
And that changed everything. I saw people doing it, and I did it and got feedback from people who knew…. Sinn, CJ, Tenmagnet….

But let’s fast forward a bit here…

I started teaching this stuff after getting trained by Captain Jack and Sinn and I was committed to it. Now Game defined my lifestyle, I was someone who was constantly working on how to game better, how to teach better, and my lifestyle took a dip. Those things that made me good at first, like living as a photographer and artist and musician, helped me big time!
What had happened was that the way I learned, without getting to side tracked on specifics, was my Game defined my life. How I did in sets was what dictated my mood. Now I want to point out that Sinn has been saying this as well, I am not trying to steal his thunder here, but affirm it with my story of it.
But how many approaches, how many lays, how many SNLs was what dictated how I structured my Game, my Teaching, and my Life….
This was not my goal getting into this, nor my goal as a teacher.
And now I no longer had time for the things that once defined me… yes I had no game, but my passions propelling me is what once made my life. I always have worked with people in helping them out, but teaching Game was the best outlet for it. The only thing was, I became a great teacher (in fact one of the best hands down) but that was it. I no longer fulfilled those things which drove me before.

I remember when I realized I was going to start teaching full time I had to think to myself, ‘what do I need to do for myself to make this work’.
It wasn’t till I met Tyler Durden that I realized it was possible.

Since I started working with guys over the phone this past month on my Mentor Program (if you are interested in working on a Mentor Program with myself or some of my other PUA Compatriots then email me I noticed that there has to be a way to teach this stuff and incorporate a lifestyle. I mean build a lifestyle from the start of it. So I would like to start posting some of the things that I have been teaching to the guys I have been working with over the phone.

But one thing is for certain everyone is feeling weird about too much canned material, and not being able to DHV yourself in a way that is congruent from them.

So I wanted to past about how that can be done.
Now Captain Jack just did a post on DHVs and he is the master of them…probably because he doesn’t even use them in any way that is at all traditional. He actually says he doesn’t DHV.

But one of the things I saw him do was in set, aside from the opener, he never lied. He always spoke about his life.
Now if we are going for a LIFESTYLE then this is really the end goal in getting people to like you. Be yourself in the most ATTRACTIVE WAY!.

Now this is not saying to just go out and be a natural, what is saying is that you need to learn the Social Dynamics of what makes people work and start building that up until it can merge with your REAL life.

So here is the main model for how I shape theREDstacks that were so popular, before I stopped offering them.

You mix Grounding with DHVs.
And go light on the DHVs, no need to throw too many switches in them.

I also use Check Ins to allow my conversations to continue on.
This is a Juggler thing and is too often over looked.
What a Check In is, is something that allows you to continue talking.
Like a Neg or a Tease it allows you in Rapport to maintain a Dominant Frame in making them keep attention.

‘You know what I mean right?’
‘You know someone like that?’
‘I am sorry, what did you say you did for work again?’

The last one is not meant as a qualifier, but more to just perk up their interest to engage them a bit.

Then I work a Frame, laced with Cold Reads to empower them.

Afterwards I Qualify to determine the direction I want to take the conversation.
Qualifiers have many uses, but mainly to Gain Value, Calibrate Where you are in Set and to Lead into the Direction you want to go in.

An Example of all this is something like this…

‘So one of the things I always like about meeting new people is just knowing those little things that make people tick.
For instance for me I have always been someone that is really passionate and almost competitive with it.
And, you know how there are little things that you do each day that can sort of shape different parts of your personality.
So I have always been involved in computers…I know it sounds so typical, but really there is something about it that spawns that sort of childlike curiosity in me. I mean I can get really passionate with it. Like sometimes I can even step over the line with things.

But with you, what did you say you did for work again?
She answers
So like for you it is the same thing. You can have that passionate side too, but you don’t always show it.
But when you are with people that you are really comfortable that side can really come out of you. I bet you have, 2 or 3 really good friends that get to see that sort of wild side you have.

Let me ask you this… what is one thing that you totally hate when you are dating someone new?’

Ok, so let’s break this down…
The first bit is pure grounding, but in the direction of the frame you want to set, She has a Wild Side.

You talk about who you are and what you do and define it as something Passionate and allows you to Step over the Edge.
Now throughout is a Check In, here it is asking what is is she does for work.

It doesn’t matter what she does, works at a CafĂ©, works as a Librarian, or she is an Author, the Frame and Cold Read is the same.

The Frame is that she has those Same qualities and the Cold Read is that she doesn’t show it all the time, and she has 2 or 3 really good friends.

Then that other side is Framed again in saying that it makes her have a Wild Side.
You want to be talking to the ‘Wild Side’ part of the girl.

Then I want to go into another routine that is based more on me being a leader and understanding women (I may post this one later) so I Qualify by asking her about what she dislikes about when she dates someone new.’

I want to write more about Lifestyle and Gaming towards that.
Let me know what you think of this post and I will continue on with some things, based on your responses!

More later in the week…for now see you all in Boston!

And Email me anytime


mmapua said...

I agree with you that pick-up shouldn’t be your whole lifestyle, but instead it should be a part of it. This makes you more whole as a person, which is in turn more attractive to women. Besides a man’s sole purpose shouldn’t be fucking girls, there’s more to life than just that.

“for game all you really need is Belief and Balls!”

Word! It seems to me that a lot of guys in the community want to know what works all the time and be sure that it works before they try it. But as long as you don’t put the theory in practise, it will only be a theory. So go out and try the shit you read about. Be willing to fail and learn from your failures. Find out what works for you and keep what works and drop what doesn’t.

Great examples of making your own routines. You have laid out the format so others can adapt them to their own life.

another valuable post!

don said...

Dude! if you come to the AK hit me up!


Brett said...

Yo dude,

Brett here. Just wanted to say what's up, and let you know I can't wait to get back into working with you over the phone!

Quality post. I like how you ground a lot of your theory with practical examples and tie them into emotions and thought patterns we can all empathize with. It makes your posts understandable and the theory tangible.

For all of you out there in internet land having trouble putting the theory into practice, or just want someone to help guide you on your journey into game, consider the mentorship program El Topo was just talking about in his post. Its done WONDERS for me. Seriously, things just started clicking. I think I broke through a sticking point or two that I didn't even realize I had.


4-5-6 said...

Great Post as always!!! But I feel like you left us with a lil suspense on this one. I cant wait till the next post.

Nektar said...

As usual, great blog post. While the importance of pursuing a career and lifestyle that you are passionate about should be obvious, it amazes me how a lot of guys in "the community" just don't get this. A lot of people say they understand how important this is, but in reality, they don't.

What good is "the community" and "pick up" if it creates a bunch of college kids who are on the verge of failing out of school because they spend too much time "sarging" and posting "advice" on online forums? Or creating men in their mid 20s with shit jobs and no real career prospects?

Bottom line, ultimately have something better/more interesting to do with your life than chasing pussy...although that is a fun hobby ;-]

Blah... said...


Cking said...

dude you did it again,
was waiting for text game part 3 as its an awesome insight into the way you think about game generally and now you drop this. A post on congruent framing dam it with the promise of social circle shit. i ahte you because i'm intrigued and what you to write more on it insted of text game dam it


emx1 said...

Dude, I just want to encourage you to keep posting your examples of routines, and the way that you develop frames whenever you get a chance.

The thing I like best about them is the way that you ground really effectively, I can "feel" the frame (which is usually very abstract, like "wild side" and "passionate" in this case). Every time I read one of your examples, it jogs my memory of cool stories and attitudes in my life that I can use to make my frames stronger.

So yeah, thanks for everything you give back to the community, really appreciated.